do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
