Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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