Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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