would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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