if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
