did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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