I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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