Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
