I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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