I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
