So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
