hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
