And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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