I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm too high and old for this...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
