We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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