Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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