So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
