Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
