If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
