I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
