I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
