went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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