I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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