Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
