just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
