i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
this is an emotional support booty call
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
