I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
