OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
