guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
