Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
