I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
