Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
