i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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