11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
