at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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