This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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