I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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