clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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