i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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