I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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