tell your sister to shave her snatch
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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