wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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