Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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