I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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