I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
