You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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