Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
