put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
