Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
