hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
