i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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