she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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