there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I love you. Go after that dick
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i out mim tonsoeep
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