just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
