He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
