After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
