My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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