your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
