did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What drink are we having for lunch?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
